I’m not sure how other Müncheners are doing with their balcony gardens but mine has been a bit stressed with the crazy weather we’ve been having. The biggest snafu happened when a big gust of wind blew the petunias out of my petunias.
One of the plastic pots that hung over the railing shattered to the ground. The other bombed the corner of a flower box the floor below. The disadvantage of working/studying from home is witnessing your 20-year widowed neighborlein blow a blue hair fuse at your front door. I knew this day would come. It feels like being jettisoned to the front line against the German Hausfrau force with your pants down.
Now that several weeks have passed, I was recently invited to inspect the condition of her balcony, perhaps to revive our neighborly jive. If she had asked me to eat cookies with her from the balcony tile floor I wouldn’t have blinked an eye. That’s when she hit me with the latest laundry list of offensives: I’m now being blamed for every speck of dirty that dries on her immaculate balcony, especially the water stains on the metal frame above. Apparently where she lives it does not rain bus loads of water making the balcony a temporary water park.
I’m also blamed for spiders. (yes, spiders. I almost laughed. Instead I opted for ‘what’s wrong with god’s creatures?’ bit.) What she didn’t seem to mind was the remnants of my long dark hair caught on a high corner near the rain gutter. Even I thought, ew.
I’m told I must bake a cake to appease Mrs. F. This is doable but knowing me I’ll probably botch this gesture with a heza-ism. Best to quickly register with the Mieteverein in case things get too out of hand.
All the while my roma tomatoes are not fairing well this season. I don’t have too much time to research the cause of what I call tomato scurvy and tomato buggy rot. But maybe some green thumb out there could give me a hint how to prevent this for next years crop.
Reading about Fräulein F. brought an instant déjà vu to me. Same flowers, same situation. Herr und Frau W. from 3rd floor, self announced keeper of the Hausordnung. She had a monotone pleading voice and he was almost deaf concerning to the volume of their TV. Volksmusik ruled their life. He used to smoke chain on the balcony and forced us to keep the windows closed. Back then I was ready to earn double-o-status. Thank God we found a house in the countryside and moved out in time. I´m a different man now.
@Ingo I really don’t want to move to the countryside so I’ll fight hard to abate her with kindness. So far operation ‘Cake’ isn’t working. She didn’t open the door when I rang her door bell this morning. But she did clear her throat to let me know she was on the other side.
I’m guessing now she’s really pissed b/c I thoroughly cleaned (i.e. toothbrush) the balcony yesterday and I imagine even more dirt and stains ran down to her level. She asked for it.
Ach, du Schande! I’m German myself, but this is one aspect of the German character I can’t stand — unhesitating finger pointing and “Das macht man nicht!”. Someone I know was actually told she was hanging out her clothes on the clothesline incorrectly.
You have my deepest sympathy — eventually she’ll mess up somewhere and you’ll be even. Till then, keep your wonderful sense of humor.
I think I might have to wait a long while before I get even. My account is too far in the minus. But I think I may have reduced my debt in the last few days. I hope to blog about it soon.
really, I have a sense of humor?! I thought I lost it somewhere over the Atlantic
I’m so glad my plants aren’t so rude as to go around destroying other people’s pots. I wonder how I managed to raise such a well-behaved garden…
@Jul Yes, I’m considering kenneling my wild ones. I’m sure it helps to speak Veggie.