I celebrated my 5th year in Germany on the 19th. Whoo hoo. Admittedly it’s getting hard to write something trivial about my experience. Many things are simply too complicated, too emotional, still unknown.
Could it be possible? –has just as much happened in the last five months as in the last five years? Planning and performing in a major concert in the Carl-Orff-Saal. Oma’s 90th birthday. Trips to Leipzeig, Rostock, Kiel, and Weimar. Max and Veronika’s Wedding. Interview with a question mark. Teacher shadowing closes one door and leads to opening windows for graphic designing, event coordination, or opportunities in being a personal cook. It’s been stressful but not bad stress.
I’ve realized a lot of hard things as of late. For one, my metabolism has slowed.. oh, and my hair gets fatty in a shorter period of time. I’m pretty sure five years ago I imagined that today I would be doing something amazingly complicated and unimaginable fulfilling–maybe even feeling more innerly settled–instead I’m less invincible and slightly crushed by the fact it will take a lot more effort and time on my part to get to something spectacular.
Why is it hard to see what’s lies in front of the nose?
I try to think of the things I’ve given up to be here to get some perspective on things but there isn’t much–aside from a donut addiction. Aber. I did find a good substitute in Kiel, thanks to Ingo! In some ways I was lonelier before 5 years ago. Over the years I’ve developed a bond with Alex, other expats and native cosmopolitans. I am amazed at the diversity of our backgrounds and yet we share so many similarities and life parallels. I doubt this has anything to do with Munich or Germany but because I like where I live it feels like it has a positive influence on my life. Less loneliness makes the foreign life worth while.
Germany surprises me more and more. This gets better the more confident I feel about asking and engaging. It’s no longer all about the food and the sights for me (but they are still on the top happy spots). Much of the culture is ingrained in the language and many things don’t become clear until one uses the language. I get bored and annoyed when people get hung up on generalities and extreme exaggerations about German culture. This tendency is very American and I know I regrettably have it as well, which could explain why this is bothersome for me. Generalities work in the US too well but it’s out of place in a country where there is so much reasoning and study out there on why Germany does what it does.
Mind you some generalities are just plain humorous (i.e., the need to find fault or pass blame, the problems with circulating air, the multitude of conversations on Kreislauf and Verdauung) If something doesn’t seem right nor humorous, I’m learning that it’s best to look to yourself first. Again I’ve learned that using the language is more helpful than reading body or crowd language here. It is unreliable. In Germany I have walk away with hard-to-shake misconceptions because I allowed myself to be heavily guided by on my gut reaction and what my eyes perceive. This is something I will continue to work on 
Slowly it’s becoming less about observing a culture from a distance and more about enjoying the interaction with natives in German conversation. Did I mention slowly? I still space out and get confused with what I see and what I expect to experience. Just because I understand why something happens here doesn’t mean I like it or don’t find it hard to accept. I still need an English-speaking fix now and then. I’m feeling less guilty about it these days.
So it’s been a wild five years and I look forward to continuing to see new places, making new friends, being delighted with interesting foods, and discovering things about myself I never thought possible.
Here’s to chasing life with bliss and another 5 years of adventure.
So you will stay longer? Forever? What does your future hold?
Living outside your culture makes you wiser, and more mature, than one might have become in one’s native land. Some resent this enforced adulthood, others revel in it. It doesn’t surprise me that you did the latter. May every “expat” cherish this gift.
Ich verstehe, Heather..ich verstehe! 5 years really makes ya think about your place here and how far away that seemed at the time.
@Maribeth When you find that crystal ball, let me have a shake at it
@headbang8 Gee, Headbang, your post rocked my world this morning. Now to shake this cloudy Munich headache. Thanks, man, for your words!
@kim Seeing where our life takes us is like viewing global warming predictions. It would be nice once and awhile to have that coasting feeling again.
Heimat muss nicht unbedingt Herkunft sein. Isn’t there a saying ‘Home is where the heart is’?
Thanks for sharing this post. I’ve only been in Germany 3 1/2 months so it’s nice to hear someone’s perspective who has been here much longer than I have and see how things may unfold. I totally agree with you on the language and humor though, I’ve been offended by Germans saying things (in English) that when I told my German fiance about, he said were meant to be funny (which would explain the confused look on said Germans face when I got offended), so I definitely need more practice with both the language, but also understanding Germans in general.