It has now been 16 days since I crumpled to the ground and unknowingly unraveled my ACL. My worst days were last Monday through Wednesday. On Monday it was painful to slip the knee brace over my knee because the bruising was beginning to surface, it was as if I had the flu in my knee. As I hobbled from the Tram with two crutches to the Radiologist, my knee would hurt if I tried to walk to fast or too broad and I developed aches in my lower back and left hip. In 7 days I lost the ability to walk properly.

Follow up:

Not so pretty knees from the outsideOn Tuesday despite the continual ice, Voltaren, and Ibuprofen, my knee was hating life and my range of motion was decreasing. The doc said I could loose the crutches, but then said I could take one (so I think). I asked the front desk tri-dits, which crutch I should take and they finally settled on the left crutch. I teetered home and cursed the knee brace for the sensitivity it was causing my knee. Wednesday I didn't move that much, I forgot my exercises. I only iced my knee and elevated it. When I stood up, I wore my brace and subconsciously shifted all my weight to the right leg. I was feeling damaged and enjoying my private pity party.

Thursday I had my first session of Krankengymnasik [rehab]. I met my therapist, Andi and she pointed out that I was developing an Erguss [joint bruise] and accumulation of fluid in my knee. As she massaged my sore knee she pointed out two critical goals: I need to get my range of motion back and I need to loose the hobble. We worked on my gate, she made me aware I was moving at the hip and basically freezing my knee in a crooked position. She confirmed my suspicion that the brace was a deterrent for achieving a normal stride, but recommended I use it to reduce swelling. And oh wait, yes, I should be using the right crutch instead of the left. I thought to myself that it didn't matter I tried both ways, which were awkward and my knee still hurt. To me, my crutches were my billboard, my unspoken half truth why I looked so pathetic.

Afterwards, I had 10 minutes of Reizstrom [current stimulation]. I had to pay 20.86€ for the German public health insurance co-pay for the six physical therapy sessions. Then after my 45 minute session, I left, feeling better and more limber than I had in a 11 days. I had packed my brace in my Crumpler and walked slowly and cautiously with my crutch hanging from my hand. I'm sure I looked like a crazy woman taking deliberate steps and carrying my crutch. But it was working, I was slowly learning to walk normally on this foreign knee.

I will have another rehab session tomorrow. Since the first time, I've been making vast improvements. The tissue sensitivity around my knee has subsided however it is still very sensitive to heat. I have to sleep with my knee out from under the comforter and long, hot showers are out of the question. Every other step I take feels slightly weird, I'm learning to trust myself all over again, communicate with my knee and rebuild the way my muscles function. I have graduated from the baby method of walking down stairs, now taking each step with one foot. Sometimes on a particularly long stairway, my left quadriceps begin to spasm just towards the end of the flight. It is all just so slightly new and foreign again. Yet slowly there is a feeling of self-assuredness developing. I'm really debating the surgery option, considering it will be the same 'fun' all over again with a bit more pain, but can I really give up Ultimate Frisbee? can I change my life to fit my knee? or possibly change my knee to fit the life I want? I'm not so certain now.

Note: The things I describe here (walking without crutches, without a knee brace 11 days after a major accident) apply only for me, after consulting with my doctors and sports medicine specialist, and may not be suitable for other people. I'm a bit of freak. I can withstand hours of applied ice and I have a higher than normal tolerance for pain. Please talk with your trusted physician before attempting an alternative treatment.