failed altruism
failed altruism
Mon, January 21, 2008 @13:53 
367 views 
I suppose it’s just one of those years: the year of the Erkältung or cold. Alex and I just got our second one of the year, right after the first. Fortunately, I was able to enjoy a lady’s night of dancing last Friday before yellow cake started draining from my nose.
Although I did (and still do) feel bad for one lovely lady from our party. While we were waiting to enter the club, she got upset that an 18-year old prepubescent called her ugly because a few of us girls were giving him and his “boyband wannabe” friends a hard time for cutting the line.
I didn’t think anything of it because for one: they were teenage twerps and two: I’m not accustom to exchanging BS in German.
Once I understood that these boys had an impact on her, it was already too late. Forgetting about the language barrier or maybe even the age barrier (I’m 7 years older), consoling anyone while the DJ drove needles in our ears with an awful mix of “Sweet Home Alabama - the remix", Queen, Backstreet Boys, and Seeed was next to impossible. But above all, the wooden boards used to cover the hole where self-esteem is supposed to be were no where to be found. I used to be good at pulling friends out of the dumps, but now I’m lousy at best.
I wanted to tell her that people are especially mean and hurtful when we start to believe what they say. We give their hateful words power. I wanted her to believe that she is beautiful and gorgeous on the outside. It isn’t a lie or flattery. These asshole shrimps see it too. Only they used the cheapest methods to make themselves feel taller and stronger in her presence.
It is hard when someone feels so uncomfortable with their appearance. We all have at least a dozen times in our lives. But to let that uncomfortable feeling ruin a night of potential happier moments - that is just unfair. She wouldn’t even give herself a chance, which just lets those dicks win even when they are out of the picture.
After she’d had enough of me trying in vain to cheer her up, I got her to dance one time to a cute German song, Tanz der Moleküle by MIA., but on the condition that I’d leave her be. I don’t even know her that well and still it tears me to stand aside knowing she believes in something that without a doubt is untrue.
Artist: MIA.
Title: Tanz Der Molekuele - Mia - Tanz Der Molekuele, Tanz Der Molekuele
Comments, Pingbacks:
-
Ingo
says:
Bah! How can a 18-year old boygroup wannabe judge the beauty of a woman? No way! I´m sure your friend is smart enough to recognize that after a while.
Gute Besserung - I struggle with a cold since Nov. 17.Permalink
Mon, January 21, 2008 @ 16:26 -
Chris in Oxford
says:
I found myself really likely that song despite myself. How does the title translate.
If I could carry on from my last post, one of the wonderful things about your 30s compared to 20s is that you will spend significantly less time in dodgy European clubs getting abused by teenagers.Permalink
Mon, January 21, 2008 @ 17:27 -
Maribeth
says:
One of the things I liked about going into my 30's was being more confident in who I was as a person. In my 20's I was still trying to figure that out.Permalink
Mon, January 21, 2008 @ 17:52 -
Dizzy Dee
says:
Awe... that's just sad! I suppose had I been in her shoes, I might have felt the same way, and you might have had a hard time trying to convince me otherwise too.
I suppose in time the memory will wear off, and she'll be better again eventually. I hope so!!Permalink
Tue, January 22, 2008 @ 07:32 -
hezamarie
says:
@Ingo: I know! I really do hope she discovers for herself how beautiful she is. -Ugh. Das ist eine lange Erkältung. Dopple gute Besserung!
@Chris: The title is "Dance of the Molecules". The song is a bit corny, but I like the line just before the chorus: You are so beautiful because/when you laugh. The chorus goes something like, "My heart dances, and every molecule moves itself."
Yes, I found myself thinking, "*Sigh* I've been here and done this already."
@Maribeth: I really wish I could convey that knowledge to girls before they reach their 30s. There's nothing to figure out, you're beautiful!
@Dizzy:Oh no, really, you too?
I hope too. Still I think those memories stick unfortunately. I know girls in their mid-thirties who still carry those hurtful messages from ignorant boys and choose to ignore the positive messages.Permalink
Tue, January 22, 2008 @ 11:51
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