lucid in deutschland

Maybe you can tell: There’s been a pause about expat life and such lately. I’ll admit I’m not very good at finding the funny things about living in Germany. The things I find funny are probably too Onion-esque to publish here. I think I’m on the up-and-up with some authority on the challenges and the pleasantries that Germany has to offer and this seems to get better over time. But you know, these topics are better documented elsewhere, nearby, and somewheres yonder. My focus the past few months has been intensely trying to integrate and accept. This has been cutting into any qualitative thinking related to blogging.

It’s not that I never encountered such challenges in my homeland, where the more I resist, the more exhausting life is. And I’m not talking about being Borg-ed or subjected to a Germanizing coup on my person. It is also resisting the temptation to find blame, make excuses, and for wanting to escape. There are days when I feel like I’m losing myself and other days that I’ve suddenly gained a whole me but without the added strength. At home, I managed to figure it out to some degree and life was easy, if not too easy.

It’s not that things are lacking here either. Some things I lack from the U.S. are more annoyances I gladly do without. On the top of my head I can think of fast food, gossip, driving in traffic as fitting those lacks. At least here I’m not tempted at the same severity, I don’t understand it, and I live in a walking 50 m to a few kilometers radius from everything I need.

Really, I’m pretty snug where I am. I have friends here to ground me and I there are moments when I receive an encouraging message from friends and family back home that really uplift me. Sometimes I wouldn’t know it after reading the latest posts. But that’s the way it is when you are going through environmental and internal changes. The world just tugs differently on me here and at times I can’t believe how hard it is to get used. It takes time and effort. So this pause may continue until I can report with a fresh head.
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I had a positive interview on Thursday but again, it is hard to shake those thoughts of doubt away: “We like you, you fit us, but not sure if we can convince the customer based on your technical experience. But let’s see.” I never thought I needed a PhD to be an engineer in Germany to secure a job. You don’t really. But to walk in with only a Bachelors of Engineering in anything other than mechanical or electrical, the pickings are small. So school starts up in March, starting with a new discipline from scratch: Business informatics. All along, the interviews continue.