lucid in deutschland

Ah, the finer things in life. Or maybe not. So here’s my rant. A local grocery store is having a special on all things American starting next week.

Sadly, one look at the specials listed on their advertisement the impression is clear: American cuisine equals junk food.

Germany’s image of a typical American’s diet is a hard but overstretched reality: Millions of Americans starting their days off with either donuts, muffins, bagels or pancakes and sometime within the week hot dogs, hamburger buns, popcorn shrimp and platefuls of barbecue spare-ribs will be consumed.

But the hunger doesn’t stop there. We’ll gorge on american pizza and sandwich pickles, guzzle down blueberry and cranberry juice, and we aren’t ashamed to dip our grubby index fingers into an open jar of peanut butter and once our digits are clean we’ll lean back and smack our lips together in sugary nirvana.

But of course, you couldn’t let us forget the American all-time diabetic favorites: jelly beans, marshmallows and brownies.

It really is all too much. Behind every unhealthy and poor, nutritionally valued food substance you smugly decorate it with the American flag as if to say, “This wasn’t our idea.” I’m half embarrassed. Sugary items, refined grains, starchy and sodium polluted snacks: Is this what America really has to offer to the world? Or is this what you really sarcastically think America has to offer?

Okay, so maybe it’s true we eat individually almost 300 tortillas and 23 pounds of pizza per year*. We know these junk foods, those you want to sell so badly here, are bad for us, for you, for everyone. But this food is in the US, we developed it and now it’s an addictions we have to deal with. So I’m baffled. Why, Germany, with the negative stigma these food carry, why would you feed this food to yourselves?

Okay. I’ll give you some credit. I myself am having a hard time thinking up of typical or commonly known American foods that would be consider mildly healthy. How ’bout them tortillas? Or pecans and cashews? It’s not on your list, but how about soybeans?

Yet, I forgive Aldi. Germany may have a weakness for life’s seductions. Who can fault them or us? And anyone who believes scones are American is clearly confused.