Yesterday, our house was harassed by an organization more annoying than the Jehovah’s Witnesses. First, there was one ring at the building door. Then shortly after, two more quick buzzes. Puzzling? Nobody, rings that often unless they are irate or in a panic. I looked out of the kitchen window to see if a brown UPS or yellow DHL van was in the neighborhood but none were in sight. Hmmm. Suspicious. This could only mean one thing: Minions from the ravenous GEZ underground have paid us a visit.

The GEZ is the abbreviation for the Gebühreneinzugszentrale, which basically processes fees on any appliance that picks up a radio or television signal. Yep, you paid taxes when you bought that tv or new stereo, you pay for the electricity it consumes, but here in Germany you gotta pay to see/hear more than just static.

Starting January 1, 2007, the GEZ will start applying a fee to all computers with an internet connection, eventually it may cover those that don’t have the capability of receiving radio or television signals (because the potential could be there!) In cities like Munich, the cost of living is not cheap to begin with. If a student wants to relax in the comfort of her home watching her Simpson’s DVD with the surround sound receiver blasting. She has to pay:

• Radio: 5.52 Euro per month
  (i.e. Car radio, Alarm clock radio, Stereo system, or PC with Radio card)
• TV: 17.03 Euro per month
  (also, DVD/Video recorder, PC with TV Card)

Ugh! Pizza and Deodorant money gone! Luckily if you own both you pay the low price of 17.03/month. Sometimes appliances have, in the above case, nothing to do with receiving a radio/TV signal. It’s a hell of a way to bite your citizens in the ass for something they may not even use but have the equipment to do so. The GEZ is even thinking about applying fees to Handys er, I mean cell phones:doh:

The GEZ isn’t part of the government so they have no right to enter your property. Nor can they force you to pay any fines. But they send their letters and then they come a knocking. Even if you tell them in writing: I don’t wish to pay because I don’t own any appliance that receives a radio signal, I don’t watch/listen to that crap, or in a fit of rage I broke everything, they still write back saying they have to inspect your home for proof.

According to the Sueddeutsche Zeitung, the GEZ sends over 1.5 million letters to households every month. (Normal stamps cost 55 cents, not sure what the corporate rate runs but the money spent can’t be light) And most letters are either ignored or returned stating they having no radio/TV appliance.

In Berlin, with a population of 3.4 million, almost 18 Percent of households are not even registered with the GEZ. Yet in more conservative Bavaria, about 90-95% of the population is registered with the GEZ. For every 11 Euro the GEZ receives, one Euro in fee revenue is wasted by chasing down those who don’t pay.

With a 9% loss, may this system of fee collection should be revamped. And what are supposed viewers paying for? Half of the public television here is quiet terrible, some are inundated with reality TV mock ups, an ugly girl coercing guys to call in and play dumb games for 25c/min (I’ve been corrected now that this is usually on cable networks), and there are still commercials up the wazoo. Isn’t paid public TV supposed to be ad-free and educational.

…The GEZ minions rang off and on for the next hour, then they finally trespassed the building and rang my front doorbell. Perhaps I should have called the cops. I didn’t dare answer or open the door. They would have immediately saw my laptop and a computer monitor as they poked their beady little eyes in my apartment.